I haven’t even left the car yet and already I’m pissed off, I can’t stand it.

MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!!!

It says a lot when Christmas falls into a strange category of mild disappointment.  This week has seen two Lapland adventure parks close in spectacular fashion.  Christmas is supposed to be a time of magic if not for the adults but at least for the kids.

Things have seemingly gone awry with certain aspects of these so called Laplands.  I tend to wonder what people were thinking as they booked their tickets for the Magical Adventure of Lapland in Dorset.

Dorset come on….

Dorset; Our own Lapland?

There’s not a lot that’s Christmasy about Dorset, but alas the adverts confirmed that indeed a field would become a magical land which would encompass the entire spirit of the season, full of snow and jolly Eskimos singing fabled songs to draw out the time between queueing for the Ice Rink and to meet the man himself, not Jesus, but Santa; the true reason for which Christmas exists.

At anything up to thirty pounds the cost to enter this land is expensive at best, and when you see the reports of what the site looked like, you really see that a little magical design has been put into place on the website for these events.

I think if I was a kid these days I’d be a bit disappointed if I went to a so called Lapland and there was a haggard women screaming outside the gate;

“Santa’s gone home… SANTA IS FUCKING DEAD”

This would put you off a bit.

I think the reason behind the popularity of certain programmes on television is justified by the above statement, it’s been developing for sometime and over Christmas it’s twenty-thousand times worse than ever.  Christmas T.V used to be for me; a thing of magic and pure entertainment, but these days that seems to have dwindled down to a hotch-potch of light-entertainment and pure dross.

X-Factor – this doesn’t really need summing up it’s really not my cup of tea, it’s car crash television at it’s best, well it’s not quite the pinnacle of disgust that trophy is loftily held by I’m a celebrity get me out of here.  Consisting of nothing but a group of mindless z-Listers partaking in a popularity contest.

I mean who really wants to see some Muppet prancing around wearing shorts and a vest, at 3am in the morning because they’re scared of being attacked by a rouge mouse?  It would seem that the majority of the population would, I’m not usually a violent person but if you’re into these mindless programmes you really should be strung up by your eyebrows and whipped with a leek, preferably with some cheese sauce on top of tip of it.  That would be a good punishment.

But alas this cannot be, it seems that there’s an inherent attraction to these programmes and this doesn’t look likely to change, if I had my way it would.  When I come to power; I’m going to outlaw these programmes and replace them instead with a live televised showing of people being whipped with leeks and cheese.

This would seem to be a fettish of mine.