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    Shopping…

     Posted in Anger Level 3 at 21:32 on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 by Mr. Rant

    Anger Level 3¬† – Mildly Bubbling…

    Shop·ping

    v.intr.

    1. To visit stores in search of merchandise or bargains.
    2. To look for something with the intention of acquiring it.

    Shopping…

    Why do we drag ourselves around shops everyday hoping to find that illusive bargain or to buy presents which no one wants? The above is the cause of the hatred which rears it’s self each year in the months of October, November and December.¬† It’s not that I dislike shopping, No I lie, it is that I dislike shopping, No, actually dislike¬†its too weak a word, try; Hate or Despise and you get my sentiments on the experience.¬† Why is it that when¬†I shop¬†I feel my stress level Immediately make a jump towards the moon?!

    I walk into the Bullring in Birmingham and i am immediately drawn to the feeling of; “WHY?!” Not just why am I shopping, but;

    “Why in God’s name can’t you walk in a straight line?!”

    Or

    “Move out of the way, you’re standing there like an Idiot, what exactly are you waiting for? You seem to be waiting for something… What is it? Is the roof about to fall in? Are you waiting to see if ‘Marie’ the Cashier at Till Number 3 comes over and offers you said product for free? Come on Idiot… MOVE!”

    ¬†It’s not that¬†I believe that I’m right all the time, more so in-fact that I am often¬†wrong, but if one thing is sure it is that you; “Mr. Lets Stand in the Way” and you “Mrs Staring into Space”¬† really do aggravate me a huge amount and most of the time which makes it worse, is the simple fact that you don’t even know you’re doing it! How can someone be that oblivious? Now¬†I know that you can ignore certain things, but this is a¬†similar disgree of ignorance to having a train coming up behind you and you don’t even bat an eyelid, what are you… Deaf? Dumb? Or just plain old Stupid?

    No, your a Shopper!

    This justifies your Stupidity.¬† I am certain that you are a perfectly lovely, sensible person who doesn’t tend to wonder around their home as if they’ve lost¬†something and certainly doesn’t stand in-front of a cupboard¬†for twenty¬†minutes before¬†deciding which brand of¬†crisp you wish to snack on. Well it’s easy isn’t it? You just do it.¬† ¬†

    “Salt and Vinegar, Lovely!”

    ¬†See now that was easy, wasn’t it? ¬†You saw it and you’ve had them before so you make the association with the memory¬†that they are nice ultimately,¬†you got them¬†and¬†ate them! Wonderful! Marvellous!

    So, answer me this?

    “WHY IN GOD’S NAME CAN’T YOU DO IT IN A SHOP!”

    The simple reason is, you’ve got this bug, this disease which everyone develops in December, from this point forward it will be known as¬†“Idiot Shopper¬†Syndrome” or “ISS” for short.¬†

    ¬†“ISS” is something which we develop which turns us into a jibbering cattle-like flock of Human zombies meandering through a shop like a fly which shouldn’t have got his flying license and shouldn’t even be out of the “Mental Home” on a Saturday Morning.

    I will Think of this.  Its not that long till its allover, its two weeks and then Christmas is out of the way!

    But lo, your “ISS” will continue well into the new year with the dreaded January Sales, Lord Help Me when that comes around….


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      Written By Mr. Rant.